like a crazy singer in a band that’s lost the words

Last night, I dreamt of Glocca Morra... again.

No, that's not right. Not right at all. Start over.

Last night, i dreamed i was a gossip columnist, in my Maidenform bra.

i wasn't really wearing a Maidenform bra. At least i don't think so. i don't make a habit of checking my undergarments in Dream. Even the quasi-lucid ones. And it wasn't last night, but the night before last; its just taken me this long to get it noted down.

Erm. Yes. i *did* Dream that, tho, really. And it seemed to make some sense out of Why This Blog. Maybe even why blogs in general. What are blogs but the stories we tell each other? Which might raise the question what are stories.. what's "true" vs. fictional. What is Reality(tm). Besides Silly-Putty, of course. Reality is what we say it is, what we all agree it is.

Which shall take me on a tangent, the principle of Bart Simpson's Cat. Naturally, i can't seem to find a still of Snowball II from Treehouse of Horror II to illustrate this properly, but its the episode where Springfield is held in a grip of terror by Bart, who has near-omnipotent powers. (or do i mean AN episode where - ?) In parody of an old Twilight Zone, anything Bart wishes or demands comes true, and Snowball II is transformed into a stilt-legged, ring-tailed fire-breathing monster clown cat. As cool as THAT sounds, its still not cooler than the big gay zombie dance number in 5000 Fingers of Dr. T, but never mind all that.

The Snowball II Principle, if you will, states that Bart could never really transform Snowball in such a way, because the rest of the world doesn't believe it possible. Unlike the premise of Treehouse II, Bart has no more influence over reality than anyone else. You may decide to spam my inbox shouting THE SKY IS PURPLE!!! over and over for days on end, but it won't change the color i see when i step outside and look up.

Unless, of course, the exactly right number of people all *agree* that the sky is purple. That would probably be a pretty damn large exactly right number, since "everybody knows" the sky is blue. There's another principle that goes hand-in-hand with Snowball II, which is the Deity Bank Account .. in this, the more people who Believe in a certain anything, the larger that certain anything's account is. We literally deposit our belief into it. Very large accounts, like Jesus or Elvis, have a lot of capital at their disposal; so that people can withdraw a large chunk, for expensive purposes - Jesus found me a parking space! Elvis cured my cancer!! - without disrupting the principle. Smaller accounts, like oh, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, can't 'afford' even minor miracles. Snowball II will forever remain a (Springfield)normal cat, because Bart's belief in the ringtailed fire-breather isn't enough to buy out everyone *else*'s belief in a normal widdle puddy tat.


i wonder what any of this has to do with a gossip column?
Maybe it's metaphysical gossip. Kind of like that What's Up on Planet Earth lady, if she were Nini-Pattes-en-l'air, an absinthe-fueled burlesque dancer. Writing a review of the Salon des Rose-Croix as presented at Doubting Thomas Gallery during ArtWalk, edited by Nico to a soundtrack of Jane's Addiction, the Tiger Lillies and the Virgin Prunes, for eventual inclusion in a limited edition fanzine put out by David Tibet and J.K. Huysmans.

Man. i would so totally read that. Especially if i found it stuck under my windshield wiper in the rain.