skirt the full circle

Dear diary -

These past couple weeks i had the centerpiece exhibit for the March ArtWalk at Doubting Thomas gallery; saw Easy Action and Cleveland Psych-Out with the Cynics and Rainy Day Saints; did the sound design for the first production of the 2011 season for convergence-continuum; put in an application for Pop-Up Pearl; celebrated Ostara with old friends i seldom see; had a lovely dinner with *other* old friends i see even less as they live in Ontario; walked downtown to see the St Patrick's Day parade; attended the world premiere screening of Long Way to Oblivion, a short feature written, shot, and based in Cleveland; and what else. Oh yeah. Got a year older and threw myself a party. You know, a typical few weeks in the life of a wolfkitten.

i've already written about the sound design in my last entry, seeing friends and bands is just what it sounds like, and getting old is a drag, and not in the fabulous lime-green false eyelashes sense either. i am really glad to have been invited to see the Canadians when they were in town, as One, they're just wonderful, fun, artsy people; and Two, it was really lovely and affirming to share food and wine and conversation with a group of folks who are all, in one way or another, continuing to live authentic and artistic lives in the face of a society that does not actively encourage either one.

What i really want to tell you about, tho, is the piece i did for the show at D.T. I'm probably more proud of the concept than i am the execution - not that it turned out badly; just that it didn't quite live up to the picture i had in my head, but then, when does art ever do that? The theme of the show was Full Circle, and i spent a couple weeks after agreeing to do it wracking my brain for something that would fit that idea.

What i came up with was first, the Wheel of the Year: the pagan concept of the turning of the seasons as a circle that we move through. But how to depict it? It would have to be shown in a circular format, obviously; however, i knew i wasn't likely to stretch a canvas into anything like a round shape. Finally, inspiration! i would make a circle skirt, of course, of course. And so i did.

It began as a plain white flannel sheet from the thrift store, a sketch, and a pattern (Simplicity 3847). Once the four panels were cut, i made a loose sketch on the material, and then the fun began. Originally, i wanted to do it all in batik, but batik is messy, i don't own a tjanting (batiking tool), and of course i'd left myself not quite enough time to work on it properly. Of course. Over the course of a couple days, i did get some rough wax outlines painted on. i'd purchased dye to use, but it wasn't turning out as i'd like so i opted for (shh - don't tell) food coloring instead. Which means the garment is likely NOT washable but its Art, right?

i'd found some tiny applicator bottles at Pat Catan's and used those to squirt on red, yellow, green, blue and black (that last being thinned acrylic). i know i had a couple shots of the panels drying on my porch that i want to put here, but now i can't find them to save my life. Instead i do have two pics of more-or-less completed panels:



Spring-summer first, then fall-winter.

The wax contained the colors somewhat, but there was more bleeding than i'd anticipated, so i had to let each color dry thoroughly before adding the next. Once everything was dyed, i had to remove the wax by ironing the panels between pages of newsprint - pages and pages and pages. i should have taken a shot of the mess this made of my workroom; i was ankle-deep in wax-soaked ad supplements by the time i was done!

After that, it was pretty simple to assemble the skirt - yes, including a zipper, to the surprise of some at the show. You can't see it here, but i used silver thread to hem it. Each panel has sequins or glitter embellishing some part of the design, and the pagan names for the eight holidays (solstices and equinoxes, plus the four 'cross-quarter days' that fall midway between them) written in gold metallic pen around the waistband. The piece will probably go up in my Etsy shop soon, cuz what else am i going to do with it?

And here - ta-da! - is the finished product en situ:


the upper edge wasn't tacked down enough to keep it from sagging, hence the ruffled look; but i really like the way it was surrounded by my friend Natalia's photos, all printed on round media just for this show. Here's a picture of the curator, Chelsie, in her fabulous outfit at the closing party.

Chelsie has a small part in Long Way to Oblivion, as do a number of my friends. The writer/director, Shawn Mishak, was the first person to ask me to submit something for a show back when i'd first returned to Cleveland in 2006; he hosted the long-running open mic at Edison's that was part of my weekly routine for years, and has been a true and supportive friend ever since i met him. The camerman/director of photography, Noel Maitland, was part of the technical crew at convergence when i first started, and (along with our late and much-missed friend brin) was one of the people to show me the basic ropes of sound design - so not only was there no WAY i was not going to attend their premiere, it all kind of comes - wait for it - Full Circle, don't you think?

And on that note, i better duck and run before you can reload. i promise i'll ~*try*~ to get another entry up mid-month, but April is teh crazeh tiem for me. i've already started prepping for the Fairie Festival that happens at the end of the month, and that is going to eat my time and my brain in a major way. Plus i modeled for the Pretentious Tremont Artistes group tonight, running lights for Morticia's Chair at the end of the month, costuming the next convergence production (and making puppets. PUPPETS!) and pulling together a one-day arts and community center prototype for Pop-Up Pearl so-o.. don't expect me to touch down anytime soon. But i promise i'll check in here when i do. Ta lovies!

freelance quantum wufkitn

Friday the 13th has traditionally been a good day for me, and this just past was no different. Except maybe that it was better than some - ? Top ten, i'd say, if i were able to count such things. Actually, its the weekend as a whole i'm looking at, or even back into the week.. from the new moon on, let's say. A good time to mark a beginning.

Dark moons have been a noticeable event in my life for the last twenty years or so. i've mentioned that fact before. Long enough you'd think i'd remember to pay attention when one's coming up, but they're as likely to sneak up on me as not. i hit a peak, crest a wave, look at my little Lunabar app, and - oh, go figure. That's been as certainly true with this one as any.

So maybe it wasn't until Saturday that it struck me, really; but then, i'm often so caught up in the moment i don't have time to Process until afterwards. But at some point Saturday i realized - i have a stack of checks sitting on my desk, waiting to be deposited. Wait, now, i have *what* - ?! But its true. i'm hardly rolling - all but one are for less than a hundred dollars - but neither am i in danger of defaulting on the rent, at least for next month. After that, who knows. Its a crapshoot - welcome to the world of freelance! - but right now, just for today (if you will) i'm doing ok.

Also on Saturday, after closing night for the last play, i had a really nice conversation with one of our troupe members. Who is also going the freelance route, a bit further down the path than me tho. But he was very encouraging, seemed like he Sees it how i See it. i've been feeling pretty good about how things are going anyway, but hearing someone else's take on it was really nice (and definitely appreciated, pal, if you're reading this!)

Somewhere along the way with this, i also had a moment of feeling.. of realization.. how can i put this. Five years ago i was in such a different place - emotionally, financially, physically.. and at the time, i Saw that a wave of change was coming in. i didn't know where the wave would take me, only that Something was building. Now, i suddenly feel like i know what it was building towards, that i'm Here, Now, this is It. By which i don't mean at an end or stopping point; maybe the end of an era or phase and the beginning of a new one, but not Over over. i'm certainly not ready to be done, by a long shot.

Saturday night i went home early, no reason to stay out. In a good frame of mind after hanging out with my pal. My apartment, lovely new place, was quiet, a lazy humid breeze drifting up from the lake. i went into the living room in the dark, still not used to having so much space of my very own, and started doing yoga - a nice long session, stretching myself beyond my usual limits. Moving very slowly, Subliminal time, so as not to pull anything; and then settling into statue mode. i wanted to try a new pose, see if i could hold it, and i think that i can, that it will work (a variation on the Venus de Milo - obviously variant, as my arms are staying attached thanks just the same!) Did my regular workout after that and then went to sleep to the sound of crickets and the gentle oscillation of my fan.

Things are coming together in my life - i feel that finding this apartment is a symbol of that, not the cause, of course. But as if that was the last key i had to turn in the lock, and now the door has opened. Life could be very scary right now; i have no idea how i'll pay rent in October, little say electric or food or heat. i signed a year lease that i can't promise i'll be able to carry out. And yet somehow i'm not worried - in fact, i'm quite the opposite of worried; serenely trusting in thee yoniverse that S/He will provide.

i don't believe there are accidents - maybe causes and effects we can't perceive or understand. Not accidents, though. i'm here, where i am, because this is where i am *meant* to be at this juncture. The place fits me too perfectly. And if i managed to make this lucky stumble, to some place i feel so content, so able to live my life, then i Trust and believe that the means to maintaining it will appear. This is already beginning to happen; opportunities i would not have expected or looked for seem to be springing up. i'm cautious about getting too optimistic, settling back and thinking i've nothing to worry about, but at the same time trying not to worry things *out* of existence, either.

A final tangent and i'll close: i'm a reader with a broad spectrum of tastes, have been my whole life.­ i therefore pick up books at the thrifts fairly regularly; a twenty-five cent investment can provide a week's worth of entertainment, albeit some much more entertaining than others. One of my recent acquisitions, "Timescape" by Gregory Benford, might not seem entertaining to most folks. Its what is known as 'hard' science fiction; that is, the science in it is real, or real enough to speculate upon. There's not much sex (what little there is involves the closest thing to a villain in the piece, nothing racy at all) and even less violence. Nary a car chase to be found. i've been looking forward to getting home every night so i could get back to it.

The book deals with the possibility of a sort of time travel, or at least communication backwards in time; and the problems arising if such an endeavour proves successful. Since the author is equipped with a working knowledge of quantum physics (circa 1980), one of the possible consequences of such communication is the notion of parallel universes - a concept i've spent a lot of time thinking about.

One of the most interesting things in the world to me is when you go far enough around the circle that magic becomes a science, and science blurs and dissolves into spirit. Sir Arthur Eddington is quoted as saying "The stuff of the universe is mind-stuff", one of the shaping mantras of my life. This book doesn't go quite that deeply in, but it does ultimately begin to deal with the question of what happens when the universe splits in two (Another look at this, one more accessible to the general populace, occurs in the movie "The Butterfly Effect").

The protagonist realizes, near the end of the story, that his universe shifted and changed, and that his former future was no longer 'future', that it, in fact, no longer *existed* for him. He is even able to narrow it down to approximately when the shift happened, one of several events that might have thrown the switch (as readers in the 'outside observer' mode, we know very clearly which event, as the outcome - the author chose a well-known historical moment - turned out very differently in our world).

What intrigues me is the notion that his fictional description of the sense of shifting futures, and at least one theoretical speculation on how this could happen, very strongly mirror my own experiences, and intuitive sense of the same - my 'magic' just took a giant step closer to his 'science'. Is it then so wildly improbable that 'magic' brought me into this apartment, is bringing me new opportunities, even that it put a randomly-chosen book from the thrift store into my hands with a possible explanation for how such things might happen - ?!

Of course, any sufficiently advanced technology will appear as magic to less advanced civilizations. But whether its that hoodoo that you do or the Wheeler-Everett-Graham model doesn't matter to me. All i know is, the universe is unfolding as it should, and for once i seem to be surfing the crest of the probability wave. Um - cowabunga??

to market: a manifesto

i am having a small but minor epiphany and yes, the irony is intentional - but no less true. Its also no less an epiphany, which is why its enough to get me off my duff and over here posting.

i have spent the last two mornings in one of my own personal circles of hell: the world of corporate marketing. How could such a thing happen? Well, i threw something at the wall, and for some reason i don't entirely fathom, it stuck. i'll even go so far as to say that the reason may be that the Main Corporate BooHoo knows his stuff well enough that he sensed *something* about me - a certain energie that, if properly yoked to Company In Question might show some potential returns. But, like Cinderella's wicked stepmother, i said - if.

The fact is, what i've got simply won't work with their yoke. They'd get a little juice out of me, but not what they were hoping for, because they'd be coming with a colander to try and harvest water. So to speak. And in the past, my response would have been to try and freeze myself, or put me in a baggie, something, anything to keep from falling out the holes in the sieve - when in fact, a sieve just isn't the right tool, and i am not the right match for them.

i've spent much of today agonizing over this; am i being a Class A fool to turn down a job offer - just saying the offer actually gets made? (one reason i think i'm not is that, despite giving them two days of my time and labor, there's been no guarantee i actually am, nor will be, hired). And why does the possibility that i MIGHT be fill me with such dread? After all, i've been out of work for a long time now. Any port in a storm, right?

Uh, well, maybe not. i could go on with the metaphors, but ultimately what i'm realizing is, traditional marketing just doesn't work on me. And i may be - well, i am - part of a new paradigm that needs to be reached in new ways. You want to retain my business? About the *last* thing you'd want to do is call me up. No matter what sort of doublespeak term you couch it in, to me, that's telemarketing. Which means first and foremost, no matter what you have to say, i am not interested. i don't care how great your message is, you have just found the No. 1 way to make sure i not only don't listen, but will come away with a negative impression of your company for having used it. You also will not reach me with direct-mail, television, or print ads. You *might* reach me through an effective radio campaign; i'll admit to finding that "Five Dollar Foot-Longs" song pretty catchy.

Of course, i am about as far from a typical consumer as you can get; i may not have Cayce Pollard's allergy to corporate brands and logos, but my antipathy to them is pretty deeply ingrained. There are things i'll happily be a walking advertisement for, but none of them are corporations. And even something like the Liminis, i'd be kind of particular about wearing a logo shirt - tho hm, i'd have no problem at all wearing a Morticia's Chair tshirt (and really, why don't i have one after all this time?!). i guess it would come down to the design; i *am* nearly as picky as Cayce when it comes to color and font (not that you'd ever guess reading this, eh?)

But i'm also realizing, or re-realizing, that if i am going to get out there and promote any given something - business, band, concept - it simply, absolutely HAS to be something i Believe in. Not like hey, yeah, i guess that doesn't suck; like, i am seriously, personally, all about this idea. It reflects my core beliefs.

Ergo, a company, say - restaurant - that wants me to promote them is going to have to have a decent selection of vegetarian items, for starters. No, a turkey sub does not count. A cheese sub isn't any better. A sub with tempeh, or soy cheese, or vegan hotdogs? NOW i'm interested. And don't tell me how you use 'quality ingredients' - who's gonna come out and say they don't, right? McDonald's uses that. Are you using locally grown, organic, sustainably harvested ingredients? That i want to hear about. So you've got a points program to reward customers? *yawn* Who freakin' cares. i'm in a million of those; at best it means i get spam mail from your company that i won't read. Want to get me talking you up? Tell me how your delivery drivers are fueled by recycled fryer grease from your kitchens, or your packaging contains at least 40% post-consumer waste. Don't tell me you use 'the finest' imported olives; tell me about how you compost all the vegetable waste.

And most of all, don't make the mistake of thinking that you can present the same old products you've been hawking for twenty-plus years but Now, Follow Us on Twitter! and i'm going to think, ooh, shiny. You want me to follow your twitter feed? Be small, be 'indie', be Green. Be about the same ideas *i* care about. Be entertaining most of the time; give me a reason to WANT to know what you have to say. So that when you do have a sale, or a special, or a new product, i already know I Like You and I Care.

Needless to say, the company that i wasted ten hours of my time on is none of those things. And hey, what do i know; they've been around thirty years and have multiple locations, while i'm an aging anarchist that can't afford to eat there anyway.

But i still think i'm right.

To-Done list

Yesterday was a good day, a high energie day. Yesterday i:

put in a job application at a place i have a good feeling about;

picked up a friend's pupster who needed puppy-sat for the day;

took the pupster to my water brother's house; we were trading off (sharing?) puppy custody;

got coffee at Civilizations and used their wi-fi;

worked at the Free Clinic;

met my water brother at Edison's, where i had some difficulty persuading him pupster needed to go home;

wound up hanging out at said bro's house for a while, eating dinosaur-shaped chickn nuggets and watching Popaganda: the Art Crimes of Ron English;

finally took the tired pupster back to his momma;

had a nice long conversation w/puppy-momma about creativity and other good stuff.

Today was not yesterday.

i did:

take down and put away my Yule tree;

clean up my worktable almost all the way;

sweep the kitchen;

knock a couple smaller things off my to-do list;

spend too much time on Facebook;

pick up the accordion for a minute and depress myself with how out of practice i am;

drag myself out to Dollar(and twenny-nine cent) Paradise, where i at least got grapefruit juice, yum;

stop at Pat Catan's for some fairy lights and teeny silk roses to make up for the Yule lights being down;

lose my leopard gloves :-( ;

pick a really bad time to stop by the bookstore;

but still make arrangements to hold an initial discussion group for the workshops i plan to give;

have the gremlin cat suddenly locate a belt i've been looking for for months;

listen to all the Coil i own;

answer a difficult email;

do some laundry;

get some things written that i needed to get said;

fail at getting to bed before 4 a.m.
which may sound like a lot but still feels very unproductive. Tomorrow i will try to do better, or at least feel better about what i do.

The End.