the same deep water as me

Damn. Do you know how close i came to starting this entry, 'It's happened again' - ?? It's happened again all over again. Only this time "it" isn't some website offending me with its drab-n-creary color scheme. No, this time "it" is far worse. That Question. You know, the one no girl ever wants to be asked.

"Have you ever thought of writing a book?"

Waauugghh. Please, ask me my age - i'm happy to tell you i'm days shy of fifty. And still rockin', dammit, even if i am a bit wheezy at the moment - hurr! Ask me about adventures with much younger men - there aren't any, not because the opportunity isn't there, but because i have not yet fully embraced my inner Maude, thereby allowing me to welcome in any potential Harolds. But write a book? Eek.

Its not that the words don't dribble from my fingers with a rather annoying regularity :::wipes surreptitiously on the tablecloth::: It's not even that i haven't already DONE this. Well - ok, 'Goddess of the Crucifixion' isn't ~my~ book precisely, but i put so damn much work into the thing i can claim about a third of it. And no you've never heard of it because it's languishing in a hard-drive of holding until some future day when i feel i might be ready to try and Do Something With It. (for late arrivals: GotC is my ex-husband's masterwork. It's fantasy, albeit Tolkien as retold by Lovecraft and Anne Roquelaure, in which the main characters undergo several incarnations. Ate the winter of 2002-3. Husband drama ensured i've sat on it ever since). Then there's Digital Aeon, which once in a while will tell itself to me in bits and pieces, but has been doing so for about fifteen years, now, and hasn't deigned to let me know how all the Point A stuff might eventually connect to Point B.

Of course, when the question arises, people don't usually have fiction in mind. They mean Damn, girl, with the life you've lived? Why don't you write a book?! It is just this very minute occurring to me that part of my reluctance might be that to stop and write about it tacitly acknowledges that i'm no longer actively *living* it. Which i still very much am, thanks just the same, so not ready to pen any memoirs just yet.

On another hand - i'm down with Kali, there will be several hands - what would be the point? Sure, i've had Adventures. Plan to keep on havin' 'em for a while yet, if perhaps not at the level i usedta could. But i'm hardly alone in that. i might be a medium-size fish, but this isn't *that* big a pond.. honestly, i've met folks who've done/been/seen more things than me. Sure, none of 'em have quite had my particular viewpoint, but - eh. It just doesn't seem relevant much beyond my social circle, yanno?

But yet again again, perhaps that's what this blog is for. i'm still casting about with this one, i'm sure you couldn't tell ha ha. This isn't my personal journal that i happen to share with several dozen of closest intimate friends many of whom i've not even met out here in meatspace. This isn't a column of reviews; i considered that, but i don't go to a lot of "things" anymore. Not like the late 80s/early 90s when i was seeing/meeting/feeding some great underground band every other week (insert story of Steve Albini and the highchair here - i could, yet its really not all that interesting. Beyond the fact that Steve Albini was over at my house, w00).

i know what it is i Do out in the world.. not just the promobitch networking stuff or the stagecrew-ing or being a crafter or any of that. Actually it IS networking, but on a different level. i am, in part, a synthesist - please see previous blog for references to Stand On Zanzibar. But i don't just abstract patterns from the data i collect; i make connections BASED on that data. Whoa. Hm. Not sure i've ever formulated that into words before.

So it would make sense to me to do that thru the blog somehow, but how? Oh hai Person A in Town 2; meet Person B in Town 5, you're both into X. Would that become, "met Person A for wi-fi'n'chai today, showed them Person B's website, promised to tweet about their project". Hrm? i suppose it could, but that seems so - soulless. Yet nor do i wish to fall into the "based on my past lives as an Atlantean shaman/princess/tamer of sea-unicorns, i realize that my True Path is to help beclouded souls out of their occlusion from the Ascended Way" - even though - o dear, i cannot say it - but i must - even though that one's closer to the truth.

This is why Twitter is my new favorite site TLA4Eva. Because no matter what is flitting thru my branez, i have to fit it into 140 characters or forever hold my peace. This post brought to you by #UNFollowFriday, the letter kratkoye and the numeral pi.