ok tweeps. car is packed, HOPE i've got all, & make it safely! Off to the Fairie Fest, see u next week! Merry Beltane!
30 April 2009
29 April 2009
19 April 2009
It was an April morning when they told us..
Ah spring. i am a bad goth, i much prefer spring, everything coming back to life and blooming over autumn. i have a lot of good memories associated with Aprils past; forsythia blossoms feel like Hope, to me. Hope for the future.
my future is far from assured.. there's a lot about it that's downright scary. In many ways i feel i'm picking up where i left off thirty years ago - but i'm thirty years older now, and the future has a limit on it i couldn't see before. i could bring myself down following this train of thought. i've been strongly attracted to the Fool card from the Tarot in recent years (since this newest period of my life commenced) - see a cliff? Jump off - and i have this absurd belief that just as long as i don't look down i won't fall; the clouds will rise up beneath my feet and bear me safely to the other side.
and i'm not dead, yet. Maybe i'll get to where i'm going and maybe i won't.. no, scratch that. i'll get there - it may not be where i THINK it will be, but i'll arrive. And i am on my way.
i'm a witch and a pagan, tho not a 'practicing' one in the sense most people think. i seldom manage to circle w/anyone, rarely do spells, and i certainly don't *look* like [insert neopagan stereotype here]. But i Feel the moon and the seasons in my blood. i Feel energie flows. i Feel spring when it rises, the currents of Possibility opening out before me.
April has been a month of changes in my life - perhaps i mean milestones. The watershed event that propelled me into the life i lead now occurred in April. i've been married (twice) in April - maybe i shouldn't count those, eh? ;-} In April, Lakeview Cemetery is perhaps the most beautiful place in the city. i am overdue to spend some hours wandering there; i used to spend my afternoons strolling the quiet grassy avenues. Many dreams and goals were shaped in that green and stony park - i miss it. Daffodil Hill will be covered in a sea of yellow and the cherry trees and dogwoods seem to uphold the life everlasting those Victorian architects subscribed to. Of course i interpret the concept differently.
It is spring and everything is new and awakening. i have new projects on the horizon and fresh approaches to old ones. i am filled with hope and ideas and perhaps even the energies to carry some out. i have walked a spiral round and round and round again, but each time i tread the 'same' path i am a loop farther on. The path i walk is insistent beneath my feet. It will lead me on whether i will it or no. On previous turns i have resisted and hesitated; no more. My foot is set firmly now and there is no choice but to go forward. Whether it will take me where i hope i cannot know, only that everything is just and right.
Today was a day filled with such promise. The sun shone, the air was warm. i spent a couple hours breaking up Japanese knotweed at the back of a vacant lot, helping prepare the land for gardens to come. The plot is a little distance but near enuf i can ride my bike, & plan to, as it warms. One of the elements of this path is community work and here is a route to that. There is more to be done, always more; but it felt good to be Involved again - not to mention being outdoors, in service to Mother Earth. The Fifth Sacred paradigm will manifest.
This is a vision i've held for a while, and see beginning to take more solid form. Things that have seemed out in the wouldn't-it-be-cool-if sphere are finding a way to manifest. i know that i Know how to make them happen - some? all? But to do so means my energies *must* go there and not be diluted, channelled into mundane realities. Therefore i must trust thee yoniverse to take care of me while i do the work that is laid out before me. We are still negotiating how this might happen - but i've a roof over my head and food (if meager) in the cupboards. i will survive, and with the spring will come a flowering of all that has been sown.
my future is far from assured.. there's a lot about it that's downright scary. In many ways i feel i'm picking up where i left off thirty years ago - but i'm thirty years older now, and the future has a limit on it i couldn't see before. i could bring myself down following this train of thought. i've been strongly attracted to the Fool card from the Tarot in recent years (since this newest period of my life commenced) - see a cliff? Jump off - and i have this absurd belief that just as long as i don't look down i won't fall; the clouds will rise up beneath my feet and bear me safely to the other side.
and i'm not dead, yet. Maybe i'll get to where i'm going and maybe i won't.. no, scratch that. i'll get there - it may not be where i THINK it will be, but i'll arrive. And i am on my way.
i'm a witch and a pagan, tho not a 'practicing' one in the sense most people think. i seldom manage to circle w/anyone, rarely do spells, and i certainly don't *look* like [insert neopagan stereotype here]. But i Feel the moon and the seasons in my blood. i Feel energie flows. i Feel spring when it rises, the currents of Possibility opening out before me.
April has been a month of changes in my life - perhaps i mean milestones. The watershed event that propelled me into the life i lead now occurred in April. i've been married (twice) in April - maybe i shouldn't count those, eh? ;-} In April, Lakeview Cemetery is perhaps the most beautiful place in the city. i am overdue to spend some hours wandering there; i used to spend my afternoons strolling the quiet grassy avenues. Many dreams and goals were shaped in that green and stony park - i miss it. Daffodil Hill will be covered in a sea of yellow and the cherry trees and dogwoods seem to uphold the life everlasting those Victorian architects subscribed to. Of course i interpret the concept differently.
It is spring and everything is new and awakening. i have new projects on the horizon and fresh approaches to old ones. i am filled with hope and ideas and perhaps even the energies to carry some out. i have walked a spiral round and round and round again, but each time i tread the 'same' path i am a loop farther on. The path i walk is insistent beneath my feet. It will lead me on whether i will it or no. On previous turns i have resisted and hesitated; no more. My foot is set firmly now and there is no choice but to go forward. Whether it will take me where i hope i cannot know, only that everything is just and right.
Today was a day filled with such promise. The sun shone, the air was warm. i spent a couple hours breaking up Japanese knotweed at the back of a vacant lot, helping prepare the land for gardens to come. The plot is a little distance but near enuf i can ride my bike, & plan to, as it warms. One of the elements of this path is community work and here is a route to that. There is more to be done, always more; but it felt good to be Involved again - not to mention being outdoors, in service to Mother Earth. The Fifth Sacred paradigm will manifest.
This is a vision i've held for a while, and see beginning to take more solid form. Things that have seemed out in the wouldn't-it-be-cool-if sphere are finding a way to manifest. i know that i Know how to make them happen - some? all? But to do so means my energies *must* go there and not be diluted, channelled into mundane realities. Therefore i must trust thee yoniverse to take care of me while i do the work that is laid out before me. We are still negotiating how this might happen - but i've a roof over my head and food (if meager) in the cupboards. i will survive, and with the spring will come a flowering of all that has been sown.
16 April 2009
08 April 2009
no sweeping exits
i am, have always been someone who needs a certain amount of solitude. Even sitting here, alone in an empty apartment, i feel the world encroaching too much; too many demands on my time. Of course i could leave the computer off. There are those i want to connect with; just now more than ever i find i must keep a close watch on the gate.
Which is ironic since i've chosen to live my life as something of a public figure. Or maybe not ironic at all. i swim in a few, overlapping, moderately small ponds. Small enough i appear a medium-size fish (well mermaid actually but we needn't get into that now). A lot of people 'know' me, but its somewhat superficially. Which is all right.. i am an ongoing real-time performance art piece of several decades duration, at this point. But the piece is not performed 24/7; there are times when i must be 'offstage'. Sometimes more than others.
Yes, i suppose i should 'write a book'. Kent State shootings? check. 70s intro to glam/punk? check, and already kinda written to boot. 80s life as underground punkrawk mamacita? BTDT, some of its written, some of *that* i might even share.
90s - um, what was the 90s. Readjustment period? yeah, i donno about that part. i mean i guess i did cool stuff then too, just not as cool as having Henry Rollins stay over & junk. 1st half of 1st decade of 21st century: yeah, we're probably going to edit this part out.
True, those events Shaped me and made me stronger (or is that just older) by virtue of not killing me. They also substantially damaged me in ways i dont know that i'll ever fully recover from. Sure, they're part of being the Fabulous Sascha Peppercorn, but.. well look. This is what goes in the, only some people get shown this back room in my head section, k?
i don't know what i'm trying to say here - which is probably not the best way to approach writing anything, little say a book. i DO need to have people around me who Know, and can be there when the world gets crumbly around the edges. Sometimes i need not to be Sascha, or sade, or freaking Pagoda Panic thankyouverymuch. Sometimes i don't even want to be Mandy Slade but central casting hasn't let me take off the mandy mermaid costume lately.
i think what i'm trying to sort out is, when i need to bow out and become less visible for a time, do i really owe anyone an explanation - ?! No, technically of course i don't. But folks who are used to me being the fairytale village witch who smells of gingerbread and amber don't always Understand.
Yeah. Such a bitch being Me, huh?
Which is ironic since i've chosen to live my life as something of a public figure. Or maybe not ironic at all. i swim in a few, overlapping, moderately small ponds. Small enough i appear a medium-size fish (well mermaid actually but we needn't get into that now). A lot of people 'know' me, but its somewhat superficially. Which is all right.. i am an ongoing real-time performance art piece of several decades duration, at this point. But the piece is not performed 24/7; there are times when i must be 'offstage'. Sometimes more than others.
Yes, i suppose i should 'write a book'. Kent State shootings? check. 70s intro to glam/punk? check, and already kinda written to boot. 80s life as underground punkrawk mamacita? BTDT, some of its written, some of *that* i might even share.
90s - um, what was the 90s. Readjustment period? yeah, i donno about that part. i mean i guess i did cool stuff then too, just not as cool as having Henry Rollins stay over & junk. 1st half of 1st decade of 21st century: yeah, we're probably going to edit this part out.
True, those events Shaped me and made me stronger (or is that just older) by virtue of not killing me. They also substantially damaged me in ways i dont know that i'll ever fully recover from. Sure, they're part of being the Fabulous Sascha Peppercorn, but.. well look. This is what goes in the, only some people get shown this back room in my head section, k?
i don't know what i'm trying to say here - which is probably not the best way to approach writing anything, little say a book. i DO need to have people around me who Know, and can be there when the world gets crumbly around the edges. Sometimes i need not to be Sascha, or sade, or freaking Pagoda Panic thankyouverymuch. Sometimes i don't even want to be Mandy Slade but central casting hasn't let me take off the mandy mermaid costume lately.
i think what i'm trying to sort out is, when i need to bow out and become less visible for a time, do i really owe anyone an explanation - ?! No, technically of course i don't. But folks who are used to me being the fairytale village witch who smells of gingerbread and amber don't always Understand.
Yeah. Such a bitch being Me, huh?
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